i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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