You're my little dorito
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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