I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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