You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
