so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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