Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
