Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
