So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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