Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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