he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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