my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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