i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
