I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
