i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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