"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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