Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
