if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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