Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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