you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
