Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dignity is for republicans.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
