dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
