ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
