Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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