Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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