I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
