you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
