**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
