next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
