I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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