Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize