i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
