I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
