It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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