i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
