Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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I just sucked dick on a ferry
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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