My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
