Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
