I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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