I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
