Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
