filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
