the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
