i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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