she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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