the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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