I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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