Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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