theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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