there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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