but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
