Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
where are my eyebrows?
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