told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Who put my cat in the fridge?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
