Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
