What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
