its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Randomize
