do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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