hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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