You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
