morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
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When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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