I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
this boner is exhausting
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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