I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
