Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
