Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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