If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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