i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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