I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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