I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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