I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
