Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
"it" just moved
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
