allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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