my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
