god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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