Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
