I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
