farters have to be the big spoon...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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